Coupled With Christ Ministry
Helping husbands and wives learn to do marriage God’s way. Brother Michael and Sister Theresa McCabe will lead you through what the Bible has to say about marriage and how to do marriage God’s way.
As a society, we have lost our way when it comes to marriage. I believe our culture—Christian culture and American culture—needs to understand better why God created marriage. God makes these purposes clear in Genesis 1.
“Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the cattle, over all the earth and over all the creeping things that creep on the earth.” So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-28)
These verses show us God’s four purposes of marriage.
1. To replicate God’s nature and image on the earth.
2. To extend God’s Kingdom authority on the earth.
3. To generationally perpetuate the nature of God and the values of His Kingdom.
4. To multiply God’s human family with righteous offspring.
All of these four reasons reveal why we must fight for this institution that God loves. Marriage is not just another relationship, but a key part of God’s plan. It is the foundation of society and a holy institution that reflects our Creator.
I know there are other fathers out there who have had similar exper-iences with their daughters, who have through the years had the pleasure of watching their daughters grow up into young women, and even in some cases get married. As fathers we might find it difficult to be replaced by some new man in our daughter’ life. In fact, that is most likely what was going through your father-in-law’s mind when he had to put up with you.
So, I am going to let you in on a little secret that took me years to learn and understand. You see, the lovely lady that became your wife, no matter how confident and self-assured she appears to be on the outside, still has that little girl looking for approval on the inside. The only thing is she is not looking to her daddy for approval, she is looking to you. Wo when she spends the time getting ready to go out with you and your only comment when she comes our is, “About time you got finished; we are going to be late?”, you just crushed her spirit. Look at it from her point of view; she just spend maybe an hour or more fixing her hair, her makeup, her nails, picking out the right outfit, shoes selecting the right perfume to wear – all to make an impression on you. She wanted you to say how beautiful she looked, just like the little girl and her father.
One of our jobs as husbands is to edify our wives, to build them up, to make them secure in who they are and wheat they are doing. So the next time your wife takes the time to make herself beautiful for you, try saying something nice. You look fine; of course, you looked fine in the other five outfits you put on doesn’t work. Here are some suggestions. Wow! You look magnificent: Now I remember why I married you! Where are we going and who am I supposed to be sharing you with?If this is too much work for you, don’t be surprised when your wife stops trying!
How to Love Your Mate
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! Psalm 133:1 Have you noticed that our world is filled with people who overreact? We overreact to what someone said to us; we overreact to bad traffic; we overreact to being late to appointments, to hearing bad news on the Internet, or to experiencing conflict with friends. Like many folks, I do my share of overreacting when I should stay calm. The problem with overreacting is that the person experiencing it often doesn’t completely understand why, and neither do others who are watching it happen. On the surface, overreacting often looks like a response to an obvious issue or concern, (like being overloaded at work), but overreacting often points to something deeper in the one who is overreacting. For example, imagine that your mate becomes flustered when things don’t go their way: when deadlines aren’t met, when traffic is bad, or when they have trouble accomplishing a task. A natural response when you are witnessing your beloved’s overreaction is to assume that they are simply impatient or just plain irritable. But if you consider that overreacting is a sign of emotional pain, it can help you create marital harmony, avoid relationship discord, and develop greater compassion for your loved one. What if you knew that your mate’s overreactions aren’t just signs of selfishness or impatience, but that they come from fear . . . perhaps the fear of being out of control, which is rooted deeply in the fear of failure? What if you knew that your mate’s overreactions come from the fear of being abandoned? What if you knew that your mate’s overreactions come from unresolved past pain? Would knowing more about why your mate is overreacting change how you respond to them during stressful moments? Instead of getting angry at them and returning frustration for frustration, or assuming that their response is directed at you, could you pray for your mate? Could you ask, “I can see that you’re frustrated, would you like to talk about it?” Could you express compassion? Could you put their needs above yours in the heat of the moment to minister to them and approach the situation with tender grace? In my marriage, I have found that understanding my own emotional wounds and beliefs has shed a lot of light on why I overreact. And, understanding my husband’s emotional wounds and beliefs has helped me respond to him with grace when he is stressed. This has brought us closer to one other, rather than tearing us apart. The person who is wise in relationships doesn’t only look to what is happening on the surface, but also seeks to understand the internal life of their mate. Understanding more about your beloved’s motivations can help you develop greater compassion and unity in your marriage and avoid a lot of unwanted conflict. Granted, it’s never okay to justify overreacting that leads to any kind of abuse just because a man—or woman—is experiencing emotional pain. However, even in healthy marriages, both men and women can overreact. The next time your mate overreacts, don’t just look at the obvious frustration. Instead, practice a little compassion and pray for them. Ask them if they want to talk about it. Then, after things have cooled off, seek to understand more about their heart and the emotional hurt that was behind their overreaction. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
Prayer: Lord, please help me not to allow my mate’s overreactions to cause me to fear. Instead, help me to remain confidently calm so that I can minister to my spouse and help them grow into a deeper sense of security in you and in your love for him. Amen.
Application: Do you need to stop overreacting to your mate’s overreactions? If so, get professional help to process your reactions and also pray about it, too.
Related Reading: Proverbs 10:12; I Peter 1:22; 2 Thessalonians 1:3